Cat Hunger Games (A parody) EX1 Tribute Parade, How Haymitch Won
by ComedyMaster333
Summary: Mainly based on the Hunger Games. If you have not read my main book, I recommend doing it. Enjoy and don't forget to Laugh Out Loud!


IMPORTANT NOTE: This is only for the readers of the Cat Hunger Games. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to. It will make you laugh so hard your throat will fall out. Thank you.

If you have read my parody, you might notice that there is no Parade for the tributes. Well, there is one good reason. It all started during the 50th hunger games, when crazy little Haymitch won. The story of how he won was not entirely true.

It was the day of the parade. Everyone was anxious to see the tributes in their specially designed dresses. Because it was the Quarter Quell, they had loaded fireworks. They had the peacecats load them in, but they made the mistake of letting the rookies do it. The first few tributes entered through the path. They had a longer line because of more tributes, so a lot of people were mad. One person was smart, so they brought a popcorn machine. Man, they must of got a two-thousand bucks' worth of money. In case you didn't know, that is **200,000** pennies, which is very important information. VERY IMPORTANT. There will be a quiz on this section. Study it carefully. Back to the story.

They launched the first fireworks. One of them didn't explode, and it was coming down fast. It was one of 13's nuclear missiles. In case you don't know, they are very fun to play with. It exploded, killing half of the tributes, along with the popcorn man. Guess this was going to be a normal hunger games. They entered the games the next day.

The 26 tributes were pushed up from their capsules. One of the tributes ran off their cell early. 25 left. The horn rang, and Haymitch grabbed a spear and a pair of designer shoes. "These are good for bribing," he thought. He hid the the corner, huddled in a ball. They always showed who died in the night sky. The tributes were all dead from districts 1-6, who were the ones killed in the explosion. The counselors from those district were pretty mad, and one jumped off a cliff. Sad. Two girls from district 7 (Who were texting their friends back at home, and got sneak-attacked), the boy from district 9, all from district 10 (how unlikely), and 1 girl from both districts 11 and 12. And the guy who got blown up. That left 16. He found a chainsaw stuck in a tree. He cut through the thick undergrowth and out into a desert habitat. He found a ravine, and in it was a reverse gravity field. He entertained himself by chucking rocks in the canyon, and watching them fly back up. One left a nasty bruise on his head. Ow.

The next night, he looked up. The girls from district 9, a boy from district 11 and a boy from twelve. The Catopal seal showed (which was a bird with fang marks in its left wing) and then the message disappeared. He heard rustling and then saw another tribute. He quickly slashed it horizontally, chopping her head off. "Darn, that was supposed to be that girl that I was to team up with and then be re-mentioned in the second book of the series," Haymitch finished, taking a deep breath. "Oh well." A message appeared. "You are all invited to the feast tomorrow night at 15 minutes after midnight. Bring a date!" The head gamemaker announced. He already had enough of the girl's meat and was stuffed, so he didn't go. "Tastes like chicken," was his opinion on tribute leg.

Everyone died but 2 other tributes. Must have been a nasty feast. Him, a girl with a wooden leg, and a boy from district eleven. The girl swordfought with the other boy but lost. The boy found him, and chucked his hammer at him. He dodged, and the hammer came back and hit his attacker. "Bazinga!" Haymitch said. The hovercraft carried him back and then lived a long life with lots of beer and football. He enjoyed watching the CFL, the Cational Football League. Now his famous quote is used everywhere, even by this guy named Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.

(I do not own the quote Bazinga, Hunger Games, or the thing about pennies. I looked up the penny thing on Yahoo, because I hate Safari. Hunger Games and Haymitch belong to Jennifer Lawrence. Whoops, I mean Suzanne Collins. This is a parody, not a copy.)

POP QUIZ (No looking)

How many pennies were mentioned above?

Did Haymitch ever use the designer shoes?

Why did Haymitch skip the feast?

Answers: 1.) 200,000 2.) Yes, he wore them the whole games. 3.) He had no girlfriend (So sad)


End file.
